


Adult Time

by Rahenna



Series: Ace of Hearts [6]
Category: Gakuen Heaven 2 ~Double Scramble~
Genre: Age Difference, Consensual Underage Sex, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Secret Relationship, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:31:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3081323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rahenna/pseuds/Rahenna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of "Adult Time," Sakaki's romance ending. Picks up right where the game left off, so it includes the rest of the car scene, dinner at his friends' restaurant, and everything that happens afterward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adult Time

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for Gakuen Heaven 2. If you intend to play the game yourself, reading this may ruin your fun a bit. :)
> 
> Originally posted here:  
> [Adults Always Lie](http://heaven.neo-romance.net/lies/)
> 
> If you want to know more about the Gakuen Heaven series, please visit my fansite for game translations and summaries:  
> [welcome to Heaven](http://heaven.neo-romance.net/)

**July 1, 2017**

**before dinner**

_You really are a corrupt teacher._

Sonoda's playful accusation echoed in my mind, drawing a smile to my lips. Well, I had to admit that pressuring my cousin into using the school cafeteria as an after-hours bar was a bit inappropriate. If we were caught, it would be difficult for both of us to worm our way out of trouble, but it wouldn't be impossible as long as Sonoda didn't immediately throw me under the bus.

Hell, I'd even be able to explain my way out of taking a first-year student out for dinner. After all, I'd promised a reward to the MVP of the baseball game, and it was only natural to offer food to the young glutton who had somehow managed to come out on top.

What would be absolutely unexplainable, however, was the fact that I was currently sitting in a parked car with Asahina, mouth pressed to his warm lips. That his lips moved against mine first, parting in what was surely an unconscious invitation, would not be a suitable excuse for slipping my tongue into that moist space. And I certainly should know better than to be drawn in by the lingering sweetness of the lollipop Kasahara had given him after the game, a small reward that had been received with almost ridiculous enthusiasm.

But that enthusiasm was charming, infectious, and seemingly irresistible. I'd never seen any student become so popular so quickly, and especially not one who made no effort to fit in or impress others. Asahina was gentle and almost painfully honest, and somehow in this world where nice guys finish last, his genuine character had won him respect and friendship instead of scorn. In a school full of high achievers, athletes, and other extraordinary talents, it seemed impossible that an ordinary student could become the center of attention.

_Because he's not ordinary. This boy is special._

I was kissing him, kissing him for real, not a spontaneous pressing of lips on a rooftop intended to shock him into silence, but a slow, deep kiss like those I'd shared with past lovers. Asahina was inexperienced, painfully so, but not shy, learning from every little move I made, tentatively responding in kind. He was warm, so warm, and I regretted that there was a forced space between us. If only we had been sitting side by side so I could pull him close to me and feel his slender body against mine. Instead I had to settle for leaning awkwardly over the gearshift and grasping his shoulder with one hand, his waist with the other. He mirrored the position, pulling hard on my shoulder, using it for leverage as he slid to the edge of the passenger seat.

Little sounds were leaking from our joined lips, mostly muffled moans that seemed to be half-caught in Asahina's throat. Was a simple kiss truly so arousing? Maybe it was, if you were young and innocent and fancied yourself to be in love.

 _Love._ Just the thought sent a small thrill through me, making my scalp tingle. How could this boy have said that he loves me? How can he trust me so completely, making himself so vulnerable like this? He may be physically inexperienced, but at his age he's been exposed to enough sappy love stories and gossip to know exactly what he's offering to me. And old enough to know that I am indeed a corrupt teacher for accepting it.

I reluctantly broke the kiss. Asahina made a quiet sound of dissatisfied protest, his warm hands still gripping my body. "Why?"

I shook my head, more to clear it than to indicate no. "I thought you wanted to go eat," I said, my voice surprisingly husky even to my own ears. Get a grip. I drew in a deep breath, released it through my nose. "And we're still on the school island, not a good place for... this sort of thing." Uncharacteristically indirect, but at least my voice was smooth and steady again.

"Oh... right." He finally released me, leaving a ghost of warmth on my shoulder and hip, and twisted his body in the seat so he could fasten the seat belt. I did the same, moving slowly, taking some extra time to savor the taste that Asahina had left in my mouth, the unique combination formed by the two of us.

_I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to change him._

I would have to be very careful, and very gentle.

As I backed out of the parking space, I wondered if Asahina knew that my heart was pounding. Did he notice the strength of the pulse in my neck as I turned my head, checking to be sure that the road was clear? No. As we pulled out onto the street, he was looking down at his hands folded loosely in his lap, a faint smile on his lips, a dark pink spot high on his cheek. Happy, and calm. _And so very enticing. Unintentionally, I'm sure._ That didn't stop another twinge of arousal.

 _Calm down,_ I warned myself. _Just breathe._

We drove off into the darkening night.

~~~

**at the cafe**

The reunion with my friends was less stressful than I had anticipated, mainly because Asahina had once again become the focus of attention. As usual, he was blissfully unaware of anything but the food that had been placed before him - and honestly, it was hard to blame him. I'd never known either Aimi or Takuma to be fond of cooking, and neither had ever said anything about wanting to manage a business. The quality of the food and the popularity of the restaurant had taken me completely by surprise.

The cafe was located in an unassuming strip mall on a side street in town, but the parking lot was nearly full by the time we arrived for dinner. Inside, the restaurant was decorated simply and the tables were a bit close together, but that added to the comfortable atmosphere. Aimi and Takuma were both busy serving customers and managing the small staff that was assisting with the crowd, but they each stopped by the table as often as possible to chat. They were both drawn to Asahina, his sincere praise and bright smile easing the stress of the dinner rush.

"Ahhh! That was sooo delicious!" Asahina gushed as Aimi gathered our empty plates.

Aimi bowed slightly, a smile lighting her pretty face. "Thank you, Yuki! Our yakisoba doesn't get ordered too often, so I'm glad to know that it's to your liking. Maybe it's just that the other items are a little more popular."

"That has to be it," Asahina agreed, "because yours is delicious! And I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to yakisoba. Did I tell you that my father owns a bakery? Yakisoba bread is one of his specialties, and it's my favorite."

"Asahina, you already told Aimi and Takuma. At least twice each."

Aimi elbowed my arm. "Don't be so grumpy, Sojiro. You haven't been a teacher long enough to be so easily annoyed by students just yet." Her tone was light, just mock scolding, but I couldn't help frowning. _What do you know? You quit once you realized you couldn't change the world._ I took a gulp from my cup, swallowing my bitter words along with the fragrant tea. It wasn't fair to compare myself to them; I hadn't become a teacher because of a grand dream I had. I simply enjoyed the profession, and the fact that my parents disapproved of my choice made it that much more appealing.

That sip was just enough for me to cool off, and my voice had only the slightest edge as I replied, "One year at Bell Liberty is equivalent to five years of teaching normal students. A bunch of annoying brats... especially _this_ one." I bumped Asahina with my elbow, and he dropped his chopsticks.

"Heeeeey!" He picked them up again and swiped the last piece of shrimp from my plate before I could stop him. "I'm not a brat."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, brat."

Aimi laughed, pressing her fingers to her lips. "My my, Sojiro, you seem to get along very well with Yuki. And after all that talk about not playing favorites while teaching." She scooped up my now-empty shrimp plate.

"Well, I'm not teaching right now, so it's okay. After all, he _did_ put in quite an impressive performance during today's baseball game. One might even be fooled into thinking that Asahina has some real athletic ability."

"Geez," Asahina muttered, pouting.

"Poor Yuki, does everyone always tease you this much? Let me go get you something sweet, dear."

"Thanks." His lack of enthusiasm tugged at my heart; had I gone too far? I edged closer to him, taking a quick glance around before reaching out to ruffle his hair. It was soft and almost feathery against my fingers, and sticking up oddly in places since he'd left it to dry naturally after showering, skipping the blow dryer in his rush to meet up with me again. I smoothed the messy locks, taking care not to let my touch linger too long.

"You did well today, Asahina." I let my hand drop back into my lap. I could still feel the smoothness of his hair against my fingers, warm and inviting. _Just like your skin._ My chest tightened at the memory of his warm cheek against my palm.

He glanced up and met my eyes for a moment, confirming my intentions. At finding them genuine, he blushed and quickly looked away. "Thanks..."

The silence between us was a little awkward, but there wasn't much that could be done without drawing attention to us. It was unusual enough for someone my age to be dining alone with a high school student. Fortunately, it was obvious that I was there mainly to visit with Aimi and Takuma; they stopped by the table as often as possible, lingering to chat. But that was drawing impatient looks from other diners who needed attention, and that would cost them business in the future if they weren't careful. They were bustling about, refilling teacups and delivering plates of hot food while offering sincere apologies.

 _Oh, again._ Takuma was approaching our table, but I shook my head. They needed to focus on their other customers instead of favoring us. Takuma made a face, but nodded his understanding and moved on to a table that actually needed a refill. Which meant that I needed to keep Asahina occupied.

"Hey, Asahina," I nudged him with my foot, "You never told me why your family runs a bakery. Has it been a family business for several generations, then? Who started it?"

That perked him up. "Oh, no, it's not a family business! Well, I guess it is since we all help out, but my father's the one who started it. He'd always liked baking different kinds of bread on the weekends, and he would bring some to work every Monday. Everyone always told him he baked like a professional, but we never thought he was that serious about it. One day he came home and told us he'd quit his job and rented some restaurant space. My mother almost fainted!"

"So are you saying that you inherited your impulsive nature from your father?"

"Hey!" Asahina pouted, his bottom lip pushing out a little. My fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and smooth over that soft pink lip, to push inside and feel the delicate, moist skin beyond. I must have made some sort of face, some expression of want, because his cheeks were stained red when he met my eyes. Eyes... he had lovely, expressive eyes, not quite blue and not quite green, the inviting color of the ocean.

 _I'm tired of waiting._ "We really need to get going soon," I said, voice dropping to a whisper.

He nodded, barely. "Y... Yes." It took him some effort to look away, and once he did, I leaned back in my seat, forcing the tension from my shoulders. I watched as he waved to Takuma with an unsteady hand, and when my friend approached, I straightened in my chair.

"Uh... um... well, we, I mean... I really need to get going... I have to study and--"

"Sorry, Takuma," I cut in, "but it's getting late and I need to get Asahina back to the dorm before anyone starts to worry. If you could bring the check, I'd appreciate it."

"You have to leave already? Ah, that's too bad... I was hoping to catch a break and talk to you some more, but it looks like we're busier than usual tonight." Takuma smiled apologetically. "I'm definitely not complaining, but I really wanted to catch up. Guess we'll have to plan some time off rather than trying to do it while the cafe is open."

"Don't apologize for your success, Takuma, I'm glad to see you and Aimi doing so well. Please give her my regards."

" _My regards,_ bah!" Aimi appeared at the end of the table, a plate of cheesecake in one hand, a steaming mug in the other. "Since when are you such an old man, Sojiro? Talking like my grandpa and skipping out when it's barely nine o'clock!" She slid the plate onto the table, setting it squarely in front of Asahina. The mug was for me - black coffee. "Don't let him rush you, dear, this is your reward for doing a good job, isn't it? The dorm will be waiting for you when you get back, but my special chocolate cheesecake won't!"

"Chocolate cheesecake?!" I could almost see the stars in Asahina's eyes.

"That's right, chocolate. Here you go!" Aimi cut off the tip of the wedge with a fork and offered it to Asahina, like a schoolgirl offering a bite of lunch to her boyfriend. A little twinge of jealously stung my heart; how unfair that she could get away with teasing him.

"Smells amazing!" Asahina sighed as he greedily accepted the bit of cheesecake. A warm blush that had absolutely nothing to do with me colored his pale cheeks. Another twinge. How could I compete with something he loved with all his heart?

Aimi set the fork down beside the plate. "How is it, Yuki?"

"It's _soooo_ delicious! It's tangy and not too sweet, and the cheese just melts in my mouth! And the crust is amazing, buttery and crisp, not a bit soggy at all." He took another bite as if to confirm his assessment before continuing, "That tangy flavor, it's not just the cheese, there's sour cream in this, right? It's so smooth!"

I swear Aimi giggled like a schoolgirl. "Wow, Yuki, you should think about becoming a food critic! No one ever guesses that sour cream is my secret ingredient. I'm so glad you like it, be sure to eat it all up!"

"I will!" he promised, eyes shining. He paused with the loaded fork just in front of his mouth. "Hey, wait, if you have _chocolate_ cheesecake, does that mean you have plain cheesecake too? I can't imagine how amazing that would be, do you think--"

"Aimi," I sighed, "the check, please. Before he eats my entire bank account."

"Okay, okay!" she laughed, practically skipping to the back. She returned a minute later with the bill. My heart skipped a beat as I reviewed it, a reaction that had absolutely nothing to do with the obscene way Asahina was devouring the remainder of the cheesecake. Well, almost nothing, I mentally corrected, mouth suddenly dry as I watched the tip of his tongue flick out to lick the creamy cake from the fork's tines.

I pulled out my wallet, finding that I had just enough cash to cover the check. So much for being a Sakaki. It didn't mean anything if your parents didn't approve and your brother used his influence to bully you out of a job. _At least I have integrity._ I glanced at Asahina, swallowed hard. _Or something. Being true to my own feelings, maybe._

He turned toward me, as if he could sense the warmth of my emotion. "Professor Sakaki?" His expression was open, questioning, lips parted slightly as he watched me with those wide sea-colored eyes. My open hand curled into a loose fist on the table, an unconscious physical reaction to the tension that innocent look sparked in me. His eyes were drawn to the movement, fixing on the pile of cash on the table.

"Ehhhh?" Asahina's voice rose above the quiet conversations surrounding us. "Was the bill that much?"

 _From alluring to absurd in two seconds flat._ Somehow that was still attractive. "Well... you eat a lot. And I wasn't exactly ordering from the budget menu either. At least Aimi didn't charge for dessert." I pushed back my chair. "Let's go."

~~~

**a little drive**

Asahina was unusually quiet as we walked back to the car and settled into our seats. By the time we were back on the road, the silence had gone from awkward to irritating, and I sighed. "What is it?"

That seemed to open the floodgates. "Professor Sakaki, I'm soooo sorry! I didn't even think about what I was ordering, I was just so excited and Miss Aimi's cooking was so good, and she kept offering me different things!" I didn't have to take my eyes from the road to know what face he was making; surely the same one he wore when apologizing for forgetting homework or spacing out in class.

I couldn't help laughing, not at his distress, but in appreciation of his considerate nature. None of my friends would spare a thought to how much I spent on their dinner after I'd offered to pay. "Don't worry about it, Asahina. I knew what I was getting into when I invited you to dinner. I wanted you to enjoy yourself. And you gave me a chance to talk with Takuma and Aimi again without things getting too awkward. If I'd gone by myself, all their focus would have been on me. We're friends, but we didn't exactly part on the best of terms a few years ago."

"Yeah... everything you told me, it sounded like things were hard for them..."

"They had big dreams and frankly, unrealistic expectations. I'm not saying that I'm glad they gave up or that they deserved to fail, but I'm relieved to see them doing well with something else, something they can control. School administration can be very unforgiving... as I'm sure you now know."

"Hmm," Asahina leaned back in his seat. "You're pretty harsh, Professor."

I glanced at him, smiled at his petulant pose, arms folded across his chest. "The world is a harsh place, Asahina. Even if you're smart, or talented, or hardworking. Bad things happen to good people every day. All we can do is carry on, and hope that we're lucky enough to avoid any major misfortunes."

That brought the cheer back to his voice. "Luck, huh? Sometimes I feel like it can't compare to everyone else's talents, but maybe it's always working for me, not just when I think about it."

 _It absolutely is. To make it this far in life with such an optimistic outlook, filled with childlike trust and curiosity... you truly are the luckiest person I've ever known._ But I couldn't say that to him. He'd probably heard it a thousand times already, and no young man wants to be called _childlike_ , especially while out on a date. "Maybe if I spend enough time with you, your luck will rub off on me," I teased. "Or if I get close enough to you."

His face went red. "Th- That doesn't happen! I've been plenty close to lots of people!"

"Is that so? I thought I was special to you."

"Y- you are! That's not what I meant! I'm not... um, I'm not like this with anyone else! Please don't think that!"

"So this isn't just an impulsive fantasy, then?" A harsh question, but I needed to know. From day one, all my teaching had been done at all-male private schools, and this wasn't the first time a student had expressed a romantic interest. It was flattering, but so, so dangerous. It was nearly impossible to be dismissed from a teaching job in this country, but inappropriate conduct with a student was guaranteed to do it, and to ensure that a teacher would never find employment in a decent school again, if at all.

"I'm not impulsive!" I didn't have to look at Asahina to know that he was blushing.

"This from the boy who spontaneously asked me _is there someone you like?_ during a tutoring session."

"That... I'd been wondering for a while, that's all!"

My hands gripped the steering wheel, and my throat was tight as I teased, "Really? Why?" No good. Surely it was obvious that my casual remark had come out strained.

If Asahina noticed my tension, he didn't mention it - which meant he hadn't noticed. "Because Sonoda was teasing you about not being married that night at the cafeteria, and I was thinking that was kind of sad, and maybe there was someone you liked and they didn't know." He paused, looking down at his folded hands, then added in what I swore was a wistful tone, "Something like that, I guess."

 _It bothers you that I'm not attached._ Not in the busybody way like my mother - though Asahina was an accomplished busybody in his own right - but a genuine sadness for someone who, to a young person, must seem far too old to be alone in life. "So you think it's sad that I'm not married? I'm not _that_ old, you know. There's still plenty of time."

"Well, that's true..." His tone made it clear that he was not convinced. "No need to rush... huh."

"That's right. I'm only twenty-seven, and while I'm sure that sounds ancient to you, I assure you that I'm not some bitter old fossil. I only graduated four years ago, after all." I sighed, shaking my head. "And let's be realistic. People like me don't have the option of getting married. Not in Japan, anyway."

"Like you...?" It took him a moment to understand what I was hinting at. "Oh..."

 _Oh indeed._ Thinking about that too much _would_ turn me into a bitter old fossil. And unlike my ridiculously lucky colleague, I wasn't quite literally attached at the hip to the heir to one of the largest and most successful companies in Japan. Instead, I myself was almost the heir to a similar massive conglomerate, though it wasn't nearly as successful as Suzubishi these days, and with how my recent 'conversation' with my brother had gone, I suspected my status would be downgraded rather soon. Which, honestly, would make my life much easier. Money solves a lot of problems. Unfortunately, in my case, it just seemed to cause problems, turning my family into a pack of self-centered jackals. At least they'd been too busy snapping at each other to pay much attention to me, at least until the mess with Kasahara.

I glanced at Asahina. This boy, a simple teenager armed only with good luck and charisma, had been the one who inspired me to finally break away from them.

It was only natural that I would find him compelling.

But like this...

"Don't worry about it. No need to waste time thinking about something that can't be changed."

"But... it's not fair."

"Asahina, please. I don't want to talk about it." The last thing I wanted to do tonight was get into a heated discussion about politics and human rights with the school Pollyanna.

He made a small sound of assent, turning away to look out the window. Was he twisting his hands in his lap? It was hard to tell when I was so focused on the road. The town near Bell Liberty was a nice enough place, but they really needed to invest in better lighting for nighttime driving. Well, and I should give up on being vain about wearing glasses. My vision was good enough for indoor activities during the day, but in the car at night was another story. I normally wore them without hesitation for night driving; after all, I always drove alone, so who was going to see me?

_Honestly, are you going to endanger yourself and Asahina because you don't want to look or feel like an old man who needs glasses? Try using that as an excuse when you get into an accident._

I sighed. "Asahina. Open up the glove compartment, there's an eyeglass case in there. Hand me my glasses."

"Eh? Professor Sakaki, you wear glasses?" He opened the glove compartment and took out the case, then took out the glasses, an unsightly pair with thick plastic frames. "I've never seen you wear these." He unfolded the temples and offered them to me.

"Of course not, they're hideous. I only need them for night driving." I slipped the glasses on and felt myself relaxing a bit as the dark surroundings grew sharper. "That's better."

"Hmm," Asahina was staring at me, silently assessing. After a few seconds, his decision was made. "I think they look nice! You should wear them in class, I bet that would make everyone really respect you!"

"Oh, they don't already respect me? Maybe I need to give more homework."

"N-no, that's not what I meant!"

"Relax, Asahina, it's just a joke. You lot in the regular class already leave half of your homework undone anyway. Adding more isn't going to do anything except punish the few who actually take it seriously."

"I'm not skipping it on purpose. It just takes so long and I don't really understand what I'm doing..."

"Then you should come for more tutoring." We were stopped at a red light, so I took the opportunity to turn toward him. "And make sure you do it because you want to learn, not because you want to babble about the exploits of your classmates or ask me ridiculous personal questions."

"Riiiight," he agreed reluctantly, a faint blush coming to his pale cheeks.

I leaned closer, brushing his smooth cheek with the back of my fingers. "Save the flirting for when we're alone, hmm?"

His skin grew hot. "W- well, we're alone now..."

The light turned green, and I reluctantly took my hand from his face, placing it back on the wheel. Alone, but with no way to take advantage of that fact. _Taking advantage,_ I thought, heart pounding heavily in my chest. _It's not like that. I've had plenty of opportunities to take advantage in the past. This is different. Asahina is different._

The steering wheel was slick beneath my palms. _I think I love you,_ he'd said. Did he even understand the significance of those words? _I'm not like this with anyone else!_ A first love? More likely a crush.

Did it matter? I wanted him.

There. I'd finally admitted it to myself. Not just physically, but all of him. There was so much more to Asahina than his youthful body and his innocent face - though those held their own appeal as well. Even if the shell was different, his classmates and teachers would still be drawn to his kindness, his genuine nature, his drive and determination. He was a radiant person, shining from within, and others couldn't help being pulled to him, wanting to experience the favor of the rare person who genuinely cared for others. I wasn't the only one who found him attractive.

But I was the only one that he wanted, or that he thought he wanted. Half of me hoped it was true, and the other half wished it wasn't. If this truly became something, it would be a difficult road for us both.

We needed to get back to the school.

But that wasn't what I wanted. I glanced at Asahina again. He was still watching me, face still red and and lips still parted, breathing, observing, thinking.

"What are you thinking about, Asahina?"

His cheeks darkened. "U- um... just, the way the streetlights look on your face, the light and shadows and stuff like that... and how I don't want our date to end. I kind of..." He squirmed in his seat. "I want to kiss you more."

Somehow, just hearing him say it made my heart pound.

He covered his face with his hands. "Ahh, I can't believe I just said that!"

"I can. You have no filter and no impulse control." We pulled up at another light. "But that's what makes you so charming. I'll kiss you as many times as you like."

"R- really?" He peeked at me from between his fingers. I couldn't stand how cute he was, alluring in his innocence, though the way he eyed me through the gap was anything but innocent. I leaned close, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. He lowered his hands immediately, face tilting up in expectation.

"Not here," I murmured, decision made. "Let's go somewhere safer."

If I was damning myself, so be it. All he'd have to do is say one word, one whispered stop, and that would be the end of it. And if he didn't...

"Um... Professor Sakaki? I think we just turned the wrong way. Isn't the bridge that way?"

"The bridge _is_ that way, but we're not going back to the school now."

"O- oh," He was quiet for a moment. "C- could it be that we're going out for dessert too?" His voice was high, his words fast.

I couldn't help laughing. "Of course not. You already had dessert, didn't you? We're going to my apartment."

Even his ears were red. Somehow, he managed to ignore the obvious implication and ask, "Eh? You don't live in the staff dorm like the other teachers?"

"Not at first. I used to commute to work every day, but I spent so much extra time at the school with tutoring and handling my assistant director duties, it became impractical to go back and forth just to sleep. I still kept the apartment... it's nice to have a private retreat, away from anyone who has anything to do with Bell Liberty."

 _And,_ I added silently, _you can't exactly bring boyfriends to the staff dorm._

"Professor Sakaki's private apartment, huh... I'm kind of excited..."

"It's not _that_ exciting. But it's a private place." I looked at him. "If that's what you want."

"Y- yes!" Another blush. "I- I really want to..."

"It's not much farther." I reached out to touch his hand, skin tingling with a tiny shock of excitement as his warm fingers curled around mine in a gentle grip. He settled his other hand on top, palm damp and fingers unsteady. What was he thinking? What was he anticipating? I couldn't tell, his eyes were shut tight and he wore an expression of forced calm.

We drove the rest of the way in silence.

~~~

**the lonely apartment**

My apartment was a generously sized single bedroom unit on the third floor, just high enough to have a decent view of the ocean - and the school island, depending on if I opened the shades on the rightmost window or not. I typically kept those closed, not wanting reality to intrude on my private retreat.

"I'm home," I offered quietly to the empty space, and shut the door firmly behind us, the click of the lock setting my heart racing again. I flipped the light switch, revealing the familiar interior. Asahina bent to remove his tennis shoes, and I unceremoniously kicked off my own shoes and stepped up onto the polished wooden floor, draping my coat over the back of a nearby chair.

Asahina followed, a bit hesitant as he looked around curiously. "Wow, it's so organized! The coffee table's completely clear, and the shelves hardly have anything on them. And everything matches perfectly..."

"I suppose you could say my style is a bit minimalist," I agreed, loosening my tie.

"A _bit_?" Asahina squeaked. "It looks like a picture from a catalog! Can I look around?" His eyes were wide as they darted about, taking in the details.

"Go ahead. I'll be right back." All the refills Aimi had insisted on serving us were demanding an exit. I spent more time than necessary in the bathroom, figuring that Asahina would appreciate the chance to nose around without being watched. And nothing could kill the mood faster than stale coffee breath, so I took the opportunity to brush my teeth and wash up.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Asahina was in a corner, peering curiously at a row of academic journals on the living room bookshelf. With the way he was keeping his distance, leaning forward as if he needed to stay behind an invisible line on the floor, he looked more like a museum visitor than a guest. He started as I approached, face red. "U- um, I'll be right back!"

He disappeared into the bathroom before I could say anything, almost slamming the door in his haste to escape. Probably just nervous, a feeling I completely understood. I'd literally run away, embarrassed, the first time my first serious boyfriend had tried to do more than offer a simple kiss. After our kiss in the car, then the tension of balancing acceptable behavior with flirting during dinner, plus the banter in the car on the way to the apartment, it was no surprise that Asahina needed a few minutes to compose himself.

I settled myself on the couch and waited, folding my hands in my lap. My eyes went to the clock on the bookshelf; almost half past nine. If Asahina had changed his mind, there was still time to take him back to the school before the gate was closed for the night. Maybe he knew that. Maybe that was what he was trying to decide right now. I heard the hiss of water, the familiar sound of the sink faucet running at full capacity. He was probably washing his face--

I needed to stop guessing at what Asahina was doing. Expectation, anticipation, worry, they were all useless. He would emerge when he was ready and tell me what he wanted. I could trust at least that much; Asahina always made his feelings clear. That's what was so charming about him.

 _Don't wait too long._ I watched the second hand tick its way around the clock face, its movement maddeningly slow as my heart raced. _I'll lose my nerve._

It wasn't like me. I hadn't been this anxious since my first time. Maybe that was it, knowing it was his - wasn't it? Of course it was. It had to be. Being responsible for someone like that, completely inexperienced, not knowing what to do or how to articulate what he wanted--

That wasn't it. That was just an excuse, one in a long line of excuses, but the truth was that Asahina was a student, too young, and--

The bathroom door creaked open, and he appeared, expression calmer than it had been since we'd left the school. He walked toward me without a hint of hesitation, taking a seat beside me on the couch, turning toward me with those green eyes just barely narrowed, determined. That look, so resolute and certain, chased my worries back to the corners of my mind.

"Professor," he spoke, voice clear and steady as he reached for my hand, "please, kiss me again."

The honest emotion of those words broke something in me, dispelling the paperthin fancy I had maintained since we left the school island, that mental insistence that we were simply going to share dinner and talk a bit before heading back to the dorms. I was a respectable man, an honorable teacher, unmoved by the impulsive and hormonal young men who surrounded me every day. It hadn't been difficult to ignore them, but Asahina's personality was a force that would not be denied. I'd clung to my ideals, making them my anchor against the whirlwind of emotion that threatened to sweep me away every time we were alone together.

"Asahina, what is it that you want? Why are you here?" It was like my voice was acting on its own.

"I want to know you." His tone took on a note of stubbornness, maybe because he understood the look I was giving him, somehow communicating the conflict I felt, caught between what I should do and what I wanted to do. His pale cheeks were stained pink, not with embarrassment, but with the heat of emotion, and his eyes were fixed upon mine, his gaze so intense that all I could do was stare at him in silence, stunned by the force of his personality. If he could learn to control that, he would be impossible to resist.

Maybe he already was.

"Because," he added, closing his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard. "I love you. So..." His blush darkened, and he opened his eyes, beautiful green. "So... please kiss me, and touch me..."

"Asahina..."

It was just his name, just one word, but it held so many meanings. _I can't keep pretending. I don't want to resist. I want you._

I caught his face in my hands, smoothing my thumbs over his warm cheeks. He tilted his face up expectantly, but I shook my head and pulled him to me.

 _Warm. He's so warm. Not only his body, but his personality. His true self. So many people never learn to be genuine like this, to let their guard down so completely. Or has he just never had a need to build a wall around himself?_ I hid my face in his hair. It was soft against my skin, tickling my lips. "Asahina." His name was sweet in my ears.

"P- professor...?" His arms came up to circle my back, tentative at first, then gripping me tightly. It was only an embrace, but with his face so close to mine, his lips only inches from my ear, I could tell that his breath was already heavier than usual.

I held him for a few moments, just breathing, just feeling him against me and how the tips of his fingers pressed into my back. I rubbed my cheek against his hair, sliding my face down until my lips were at his ear, then behind his ear. Warm. I pushed his hair aside with my thumb, pressing a kiss to that spot. Asahina sighed, tensing in my arms. I kissed him again, letting my mouth move over the smooth skin behind his ear, trying to find the most sensitive area.

"Ah!"

There. Asahina's arms tightened around me as I sucked lightly at that place, and I knew his hair must be standing on end.

"Mmm... w- wait..."

I reluctantly pulled back, the feel of his skin still on my lips. "Hmm?"

"Not there. I want you to kiss _me_ , not just behind my ear..."

I pretended to misunderstand. "Behind your ear is a part of you."

"N-no!" He pouted, bottom lip sticking out. "Kiss my lips. I want to... um..."

"I know what you want," I murmured, tilting his chin up with my fingers, looking directly into his eyes. "I'll let you taste an adult kiss that will make you forget your own name."

Asahina nodded. "I want it," he whispered.

"Me too." I leaned in to catch his lips with mine, starting slow, barely pressing my mouth to his. Asahina grew impatient, one hand sliding up into the hair at the back of my neck to pull me closer, and the tip of his tongue pushed at my lips in a clumsy but eager invitation. I opened my mouth slightly, and he slipped inside, tentatively exploring. I let him do as he liked, surprised by how quickly he grew bold, exploring and tasting--

He pulled back suddenly and drew in a deep, shaking breath. I couldn't help laughing.

"Don't forget to breathe. You do have a nose, after all."

"I- I know that!"

"Don't get mad," I murmured, "you'll learn quickly. I look forward to teaching you many things."

"Professor..." Asahina lowered his eyes, blushing.

I brushed his flushed cheek with the back of my hand. "You're beautiful."

His face grew even hotter. "I'm not... I'm just ordinary... not like you."

"Shh." His warmth lingered on my skin, hotter than it should have been with such brief contact. Such a gentle soul. How could anyone resist loving him?

_Is that what this is?_

It had to be. My heart was throbbing almost painfully, and my palms were damp, fingers trembling. I buried my hands in his hair to steady them, pulling him close for another kiss, hot and deep and demanding. He accepted me readily, grasping my shoulders with both hands, pulling hard as if he wanted to be even closer. In response, I wrapped my arms around him, sliding closer until my body was fully pressed against him.

I felt him smile against my lips. That realization was enough to send a shock down my spine.

We parted, lips damp and breath heavy, and Asahina looked at me with an expression I'd never seen before - at least, not on _his_ face. Desire.

 _I want to see it. All of it. All of you._ I reached for his tie, holding the knot with one hand as I hooked my finger around the part circling his neck, carefully pulling it loose.

He must have sensed the shift in my mood, because he stared up at me, eyes wide and lips parted, breathing more deeply than he had been just a moment before. He leaned forward, placing both hands on my chest, looking up at me in dazed anticipation. His body felt warmer than usual, his hands almost hot. "I... um..."

I leaned closer to brush my lips against his ear. He shivered and made a small, lost sound. "Forgive me for asking, Asahina, but will this be your first time?"

Another shiver, another quiet gasp. "I- I- Um... y- yes. Please... please be gentle with me." His fingers twisted in the fabric of my shirt.

"I'm only rough in the classroom." I couldn't resist pulling his soft earlobe into my mouth, pressing it first between my lips, then offering a gentle bite. He gasped and moved against me, a small and involuntary twitch of surprise. And pleasure, I hoped.

"B- but... I've heard some of the other students c- call you a sadist... that couldn't mean..."

I made a quiet sound of amusement. "You're adorable, Asahina. Only you would imagine something like that after listening to such inane chatter. If you wind up in tears, they will be tears of pleasure."

"P- professor!"

I couldn't help laughing at his reaction, and I hoped he realized I wasn't laughing at him. A quick glance confirmed that he was just embarrassed, the blush so intense that even his neck was red.

 _Let me see it._ My hand went to the button at his throat, and Asahina's breath hitched in a tiny gasp. I met his eyes for a moment, and he gave a tiny nod, lips pressing together.

"Just promise me one thing, Asahina."

It took him a moment to find his voice. "W- what?"

"If there's something you don't like, or don't want, tell me right away. Promise me."

He swallowed hard, blinking self-consciously. "Oh... Okay." He nodded, barely. "I promise."

I undid the buttons of his uniform shirt, slipping my right hand inside to push the material back off his left shoulder. My hands were warm, but his skin was hot to the touch, smooth and spotless beneath my fingers. Asahina had elegant shoulders, though maybe a little too broad for his small frame, just a bit awkwardly out of proportion, and prominent collarbones that cast faint shadows on his white skin. I leaned in, pressing my mouth to the place where his neck met his shoulder, biting lightly at the muscle there. He tilted his head to the side, giving me more access, but I let my lips slide lower to the hard ridge of his collarbone. The motion pulled the fabric of my shirt from Asahina's hands, and he made a little sound of dissatisfaction.

"What is it?" I breathed, slipping both hands into his shirt, first to hold his slim waist, then to stroke his back. He shivered.

"U- um..." He pulled at my sleeve. "I want this off..."

It was a little surprising to hear him ask so directly. I straightened up, but he caught my wrists as I reached for my tie.

"I want to do it."

That made my heart skip a beat. I relaxed my shoulders and nodded, letting my arms fall to my sides as I waited to see what he would do. He lifted trembling hands to my neck, undoing my tie easily even with unsteady hands - of course, he was used to taking his own off - but instead of just letting it hang loose, he pulled it completely off. He seemed at a bit of a loss for what to do next, then gave a half-shrug and dropped it on the floor. His face was set with determination as he reached for my collar, shaky fingers struggling with the button, and a momentary look of irritation darkened his expression.

"It's a lot harder when it's not your own," he muttered.

"I can help," I offered, but he shook his head.

"No, I want to do it."

His fingers learned quickly, and it wasn't long before my shirt was completely unbuttoned, though still tucked into my pants. That seemed to annoy Asahina as well, and he grabbed the fabric at my sides and tugged. I opened my mouth to warn him not to pull so hard, but with one last tug, the fabric pulled free with a rustle.

That done, Asahina reached for the open front of his own shirt, untucking it much more carefully than he had mine.

_Well, it's fine... I have plenty of clothes here in case anything happens. He doesn't._

Either the apartment was cold, or my skin was getting hot as well. The cool air against my chest made my skin prickle, and I had a fleeting thought that maybe Asahina was cold as well, and I should do something about the temperature. But then Asahina shrugged off his shirt and uniform jacket, and I was fixed in place by the sight of his smooth white skin, and how the muscle beneath flexed as he wiggled out of his clothing, freeing lanky arms.

His eyes were fixed on the narrow strip of my chest that was visible through the gap in my shirt, and he reached for me, slipping his hands into my open shirt to settle his sweaty palms on my shoulders. They slid timidly down my chest, stopping just short of my nipples. From there, they moved back up, petting my shoulders a few times before he stopped.

"Hm, what is it?"

Asahina pushed at the offending fabric, frowning. "Take it off."

"You're awfully impatient, Asahina," I murmured, reaching first for one cuff, then the other, unbuttoning them.

"W- well, I want to..." He closed his eyes, gathering his courage. "A- anyway, it's not fair... if I take mine off, and you don't..."

"True," I agreed, shedding my shirt. It slipped off my arms and landed in a heap on the floor. This boy... somehow this was very different from what I'd imagined in the quiet moments when I'd allowed myself to indulge in the fantasy that he might truly be interested in me. I'd envisioned a shy but eager beginner, one who would reach for me with a tentative hand, timidly guiding my exploration of his slender body. Instead, Asahina was an oddly alluring combination of bold and hesitant, making demands while blushing so deeply even his ears were red.

I should have known better. It was just like Asahina.

If he knew just how much I wanted him, would he be afraid?

His hands slid over my shoulders and down my arms. "Oh... I never would have guessed, since you're always so covered up, but... you have really nice arms." He slipped down, past my elbow, down to my wrists, and caught my hands with his own. "But your hands are my favorite. When I watch you writing on the board during class, I can't stop thinking about it. What would it be like, if those hands touched me? What would those fingers do to me?"

_You have no filter and no impulse control._

I'd said that before, when he admitted to wanting more kisses, but it was even more true now. I had to be careful with him, because he would ask for exactly what he wanted, making it too easy to forget that he had no experience. I couldn't be tempted into going too fast.

I squeezed his hands, more to calm myself than to reassure him. "Do you want to find out, Asahina? I'll gladly show you what my hands can do to your body. And not just my hands."

His tongue flicked out to moisten dry lips; I watched it move across his lower lip, felt and resisted the urge to lean forward and suck it into my own mouth. My heart was pounding so hard it almost hurt to breathe. I had to take it slow, but it was going to kill me.

"Please," he looked up at me with half-lidded eyes, "please, touch me."

"With pleasure."

The skin of his chest was smooth and supple beneath my fingertips, and so pale that even the lightest press left a fleeting pink imprint. His nipples were a deep pink, tight and erect in the cool air, and I brushed my thumb over one to see how he would react. His eyes dropped shut, and he made a little sound, but I couldn't tell if it was an encouragement or complaint. I hoped it was a positive reaction; it would be hard to resist those stiff little nubs if he was the kind who was too sensitive or just didn't like being touched. I touched him again with a firmer hand, and his back arched forward, head tilting back slightly as he let out a soft moan. It was just a little sound, one that Asahina stifled immediately, but it sent a shiver through me.

"Is that good?" I slipped my other hand around to his back, holding him steady while I toyed with him, rubbing, rolling, and just barely pinching, the lightest press of my fingertips to his flesh. Asahina squirmed, not trying to escape, but in an attempt to relieve the pressure without making any sound.

I wanted to hear his voice. I'd spent too long fantasizing about the little incoherent moans he'd make to let him stifle them all now. "Don't hold back."

"B- but... ahhh--" He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips together, holding his breath.

"Don't be embarrassed, Asahina. When the time comes, I'll be happy to let you hear how much I appreciate your touch. Just relax and enjoy this."

"I... I am..."

"Hmm, I'd like to hear more of your cute voice, though..."

I stopped teasing his chest, slipping my hand around his body so that both were against his back. Asahina let out a quiet sigh of relief, but that quickly morphed into a throaty groan as I bent my neck to catch his other nipple with my mouth, pinching it between my lips. His back arched again, his warm skin pressing against my face. God, he was so sensitive. I opened my mouth a bit, sucking lightly as the tip of my tongue traced the stiff nub. Asahina wiggled, but I held him firmly and licked him, carefully at first, but once he gave up struggling and let himself enjoy the attention, I put more strength into my tongue, spurred on by the almost whining moans that leaked out with every breath he took.

Asahina's hands grabbed at my head, his fingers tangling almost painfully in my hair. That, more than the noises he was desperately trying to hold back, told me what he liked. The way his fingers flexed in my hair, tightening as I gave a gentle bite with my teeth, relaxing when I switched to damp kisses, made his feelings clear. After a few cycles, he shifted, back curving away as he pushed at me, not hard, but I knew what he meant: _that's enough of this_.

Asahina leaned back against the couch, panting, eyes half-closed. His arms were limp at his sides, shoulders relaxed as if he'd lost all his strength. And maybe he had. With his dark pink lips parted, breathing slowly, cheeks smeared with a deep blush, eyelids half-fluttering instead of blinking, Asahina was the very picture of arousal.

I touched his cheek, finding it hotter than I'd expected, almost feverish, and that seemed to renew him a little. He reached for me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders to pull me close. His skin was damp, and I could feel his heart pounding heavily against my chest.

His lips were at my ear, hot breath stirring my hair. "Professor Sakaki...?"

Just hearing my name spoken with such unguarded lust was enough to make me twitch. "Asahina?"

"I..." he sighed, breath trembling. "I can't do this much longer. It's, um..."

I tilted my head and kissed the side of his neck. "Too much?" I murmured. "I was just thinking it might be a good idea to head for the bedroom at this point, if that's what you want."

I heard him swallow, and he nodded against my shoulder. "Okay..."

I pulled away and stood. Asahina shivered as the cool air stole the warmth from his skin, raising the fine hair on his arms. I held one hand out to him, and he took it after only a moment's hesitation, fingers clammy against my own. He stood, legs unsteady, and glanced back at his shirt and jacket as if unsure of the rules of etiquette regarding clothing discarded during sex.

"It's all right, just leave it," I murmured, bending to kiss his forehead.

"R- right," he agreed, allowing me to lead him around the coffee table and down the hall. I pushed open the door and led him through, nudging it shut behind us. It was dark inside with the blinds closed and the heavy curtains pulled shut over the sliding glass doors, but I was familiar with the space. I reached for the light switch, then caught myself mid-motion. That would probably be too bright for Asahina, and besides, I preferred a somewhat dim room for lovemaking.

I gave Asahina's hand a reassuring squeeze and stepped deeper into the darkness, pulling him along behind me. It only took a moment to find and turn on the bedside lamp. It filled the room with a soft glow, and Asahina's skin shone like a pearl in that muted light. I moved closer to the bed and gave his arm a gentle pull. He stepped forward to stand beside me, but his movements weren't as decisive as they had been in the living room. He was nervous, though obviously trying to hide it, but he was also excited, watching me with a guarded but eager expression. His hand gripped mine tightly, fingers hot and slick with sweat.

"Is it really okay?" His voice seemed loud in the quiet room.

"If this is what you want, then it is."

His face was hot when I touched it, and he closed his eyes, somehow unable to meet my gaze. His lips moved soundlessly at first, as if testing the words he wanted to say, and his skin grew even warmer beneath my fingertips. "But... I don't know what to do..." Finally he opened his eyes, the soft green brightened by the moisture that had gathered at the edge of his eyelids. "I don't know how to, um..." He lowered his eyes. "W- well... I want you to enjoy it..."

It was so like him, to worry about others more than himself - but right now, I didn't want him to be the selfless boy who gave everything to those around him. He'd already done more than enough for me, and now, offering even his heart and his body, it was almost too much. Right now, he needed to be greedy, to take for himself without worrying about anyone else, to discover what he himself wanted. He was inexperienced. This one time would likely shape his impressions and expectations for years to come.

The one who needed to give now was me.

I petted his cheek, letting my hand trace its way down to cup his chin. "You don't have to worry about that, Asahina. I'll take care of you. You just do what feels right. That's all I want from you."

"But--"

"Hush." I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him to me. He fit neatly in my arms, and he reached up to press his hands against the center of my back. I let my own hands slip down to his hips, and I gripped him firmly, pressing my hips forward into his, heat against heat. Asahina's fingers flexed against my back, and a quiet gasp came from his lips.

"You don't have to worry," I repeated, barely moving against him, "I'm enjoying myself."

He nodded against my shoulder, squeezing me tight. I held him for a few more moments, then released him, and he looked up at me, lips slightly open as if he was about to ask a question. I pressed my finger to his lips. "Shall we get undressed? I can help you."

His eyebrows rose, eyes wide, and he stepped back. "U- um, no, I can do it myself!"

Asahina took a few steps and turned his back. His blush was so intense that even the backs of his shoulders were turning pink, and I had to bite my lip to keep a quiet laugh from slipping out. The last thing he needed now was to think I was laughing at him, rather than appreciating the earnest reactions of my young lover.

 _Lover._ Just the thought sent a fresh shock of desire though me. And so did the sound of Asahina's belt being undone, the click of metal against metal as he fumbled with the clasp. I hurried to free myself from my constricting garments, eyes never leaving Asahina. Somehow, watching him undress from the back was even more enticing, the way his hands moved to pull his belt free from the loops, then how they gripped the waistband of his pants, hesitating for several moments before decisively pushing them down. He pulled his underwear down along with the pants, bending slightly to push the clothing down past his knees, then letting it fall naturally to the floor.

My chest tightened at the sight of his rounded, perky butt as he bent, hard muscle flexing beneath pale skin, and it was all I could do to keep myself from reaching out to confirm it, to feel the firm smoothness with my own hands. Asahina straightened up, kicking his clothes away, and stood facing away, shoulders tense as he stood with his arms folded over his chest, hands gripping his upper arms as he gathered his courage. I knew that he was slender; that much was obvious when he was fully clothed, the slim lankiness of his young body evident even when wearing the bulky school uniform, but now that he was completely bare, Asahina was more angular than I'd imagined. He'd grow into his body eventually, but right now, he was almost awkwardly thin. Maybe he was embarrassed by his appearance, imagining himself to be inadequate.

I thought about reaching out to him, or saying something, but knowing Asahina, that would be too embarrassing. He just needed a moment to compose himself - or maybe it would be better to do something to break the spell his own worry had cast on him.

I climbed up onto the bed, and he turned his face toward me at the squeak of the bedframe, still stubbornly keeping his body facing away from me. I reached out with one hand, beckoning to him. "Asahina, don't worry. Come to me."

His eyes looked me over, up and down, gaze lingering over the sight of my arousal, and I swore I could hear him draw in a deep, sighing breath. He nodded and finally turned toward me; he was just as hard as I was, erection casting a dark shadow on his flushed skin. His hands lowered to his sides, fingers twitching as if they wanted to do something to hide his body from my sight, but he stepped forward and joined me on the bed, sitting awkwardly. I leaned in to press a kiss to his lips, a brief touch meant more to reassure than to entice.

"Here, lie down," I murmured, touching his shoulder. Asahina nodded, seemingly unable to speak, leaning back until his head was on the pillow, long legs stretched out and arms at his sides. I couldn't completely suppress my laugh, and it ended up coming out of my nose, not quite a snort, but almost. Asahina's blush darkened.

"D- don't laugh, please..."

"I'm not laughing at you, Asahina," I moved to lean over him, pressing one knee between his legs to nudge them apart. "You're just so stiff--"

"Well, I can't help it, I'm excited!" With that, it was impossible not to laugh, and he glared up at me with a petulant expression. "H- hey, I said don't laugh!"

"Asahina, you're so cute." I toyed with the ends of his hair. "That's not what I meant. Your entire body is tense, you should try taking a deep breath and relaxing a little. You don't have to mentally prepare for some sort of assault, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, I want you to tell me."

He looked away, not by turning his head, but by aiming his gaze off to one side. "It's just," he mumbled, frowning a little, "really, super embarrassing..."

"Is it? I'm just as aroused as you are, Asahina, and I'm not embarrassed."

"W- well, you're an adult... you know what you're doing, so you can be confident..." He moved his legs a bit, rustling the blanket. "I'm not all sexy, like you."

"That's what you think," I breathed, lowering myself to kiss his soft lips. He sighed against me, hands coming up to touch my shoulders, then my back, rubbing up and down my sides with a warm, feathery touch. His tongue moved against mine, his shyness suddenly gone, and he sucked at my mouth with the same greediness he'd shown when we'd been out in the living room. My scalp tingled with excitement, hairs standing on end as a shiver of pleasure ran down my spine to settle in my groin.

I heard the sigh of Asahina's breath as he breathed steadily through his nose, maintaining our kiss; he had learned quickly. It was time for a new lesson. I lowered my hips, heart pounding in anticipation, until our bodies touched. Asahina gasped, hips bucking in surprise at the sudden contact, but that only pressed us closer together. He moaned quietly, brows drawing together in an almost pained expression as his short nails dug into my sides.

"Is that good?" I breathed into his ear, moving my hips again. His flesh was hot against mine, and I felt him twitch in response to my question. Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I felt a bit of dampness against my skin. Was he already that close? His eyes were shut tight, mouth half-open as he panted, and he squirmed beneath me, a subtle but rhythmic movement of his hips that he seemed unable to suppress. He was close. And maybe that was a good thing...

I raised myself up, giving his lips one last kiss before moving lower, down the center of his chest, not even kissing, just a soft press of lips here and there to reassure him. The skin of his stomach was flat and smooth, and I took a moment to suck at the dip of his navel, drawing another squeak from Asahina's mouth. I knelt between his legs, looking down at his erection, the flushed organ jutting up from its nest of sparse, straight black hair. A drop of clear fluid had gathered at the tip, glittering in the lamplight. I stretched out one finger to touch him there, and Asahina made a low, desperate sound.

That place would be too much, at least to start, so I gripped the hot shaft loosely with one hand, stroking lightly. Asahina's hips twisted as if trying to escape, but the groan that came from his lips was one of pure lust. I touched him again, more firmly, and he made a little whining sound, hips following the movements of my hand, trying to thrust into my grasp. I could feel myself growing a bit lightheaded with desire, and I knew my face must be just as hot as Asahina's. Watching him move like that, twitching in my hand, knowing that it was my touch that drew sweet sounds from his lips, and my fingers that were giving him a pleasure he had never tasted before - it was intoxicating.

But I didn't want it to end like that either. I reluctantly let him go, resisting the urge to stroke him to completion. He fell back against the bed with a shaking sigh, body flushed and trembling, and peered at me with an unsatisfied expression. "Why...?"

"Not like this." My voice seemed strange even to me. I shifted back a little more, and Asahina had to spread his legs wider to accommodate my new position. By that time, even his inner thighs were flushed a dark pink, the skin barely damp with a sheen of sweat. I had a fleeting urge to reach out and stroke his thighs, to feel the firm warmth against my fingers, but even that mild stimulation might have been enough to send him over the edge. Instead, I placed one hand on his hip and leaned closer, closing my eyes for a moment to draw in a breath, taking in the thick scent of his arousal.

I wanted to taste it.

The mattress shifted a little, and I glanced up to find Asahina propped up on his elbows, staring at me with wide eyes and an expression of disbelief. I met his eyes, silently seeking approval, and he swallowed hard, then nodded.

His entire body tensed in anticipation as I lowered my head, and he seemed startled that I didn't immediately take him into my mouth. A squeak of surprise come from above me as I bent close to press a kiss to the base, rubbing my cheek against the heat of his shaft. Asahina squirmed, and I held his opposite hip firmly with one hand, steadying his body. Just that simple touch was enough to make him sigh and wiggle, and I felt a brush of wetness at my temple - he really wasn't going to hold out much longer.

In that case, I couldn't waste time teasing him, and to be honest, I was tired of waiting myself. I lifted my head, just enough to glance up at Asahina again -and he was still watching me, green eyes following every movement in a way that left me feeling self-conscious. It was almost too much to bear, and when I bent to take him into my mouth, it was partly because I couldn't stand the pressure of his impassioned gaze for much longer.

"Ahh!" Asahina's hips bucked up off the bed, and I nearly choked as he thrust into my mouth without thinking - probably unable to think. I pulled back with a gasp and reached out to grasp his hips firmly with both hands, using the weight of my upper body to force him back down to the mattress.

"Easy, Asahina," I murmured, leaning in again.

"S- sorry," he whispered in a choked voice. "D- did I hurt you?"

"No, but you surprised the hell out of me. I should have expected it, though."

"Sorry, I--"

Asahina tried to apologize again, but I didn't want to hear his unnecessary words. I bent to take him into my mouth again, and his body trembled, hips fighting to come up off the bed, but he was silent. I glanced up at him, and he was still staring down at me, lips pressed together so tightly that they formed a thin line, and I could tell he was holding his breath to keep any sound from leaking out.

 _Good luck with that._ I couldn't use my hands, which was a shame, but with Asahina so close already, finishing him with my mouth would be easy enough. A familiar bitterness coated my tongue as I slid over the head to press the very tip against the source, and Asahina cried out above me, a strangled sound that he desperately tried to swallow.

No good. I wanted to hear his voice, that lovely, desperate voice that I'd only heard in my own imaginings. I swallowed him deeper, using the entire length of my tongue to caress his hot flesh, sliding up and down over and over as if that would somehow force the sound from his throat.

And it did, a series of short, panting breaths punctuated by high-pitched, whining moans. Those sharp notes were sweet in my ears, sending a shiver though my entire body. I wanted to hear more of that alluring voice, those sounds that maybe Asahina himself had never heard, never having a reason to make them before. I wanted to believe that he would be completely mine, not even having dared to go so far even in his own self-exploration that he'd made such noises.

It was unreasonable and unfair, but I wanted him all for myself. That he was squirming on the bed, trying to hold back groans of pleasure as I worked at him with my lips and tongue, pressing and sliding and tasting, it was all happening because Asahina wanted it - wanted me. And I'd wanted him, ever since that sudden kiss on the roof, the one I'd tried so hard to justify in my own mind because it was easier than admitting the truth.

_You're special. Your spirit was able to reach me even though I'd been lost for so long. You touched me, freed me. Now let me touch you._

I was so lost in my own thoughts and caught up in my fascination with Asahina's increasingly intense cries that I didn't realize how close he was until it was too late. His body grew tense, almost rigid, beneath me, then the bed creaked as he tried one last time to thrust upward, spine curving up away from the mattress though his hips were trapped by my hands. He let out one last shaking moan, a sound that was nothing like his usual high, boyish voice. A hot bitterness flooded my mouth, pungent and unpleasant, and I instinctively pulled away from Asahina, leaving him wet with my saliva and his own semen.

I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth, wiping away as much as I could from my lips and the tip of my tongue, but the taste still lingered. After a moment, I realized that Asahina was watching me again, though his elbows no longer had enough strength to prop up his body as before. Instead, he barely lifted his head from the pillow, eyes wide and lips parted as he panted with short, shallow breaths. I met his eyes, but after a few moments, his gaze went to my damp lips.

He blinked slowly, once, and said, "Kiss me."

My entire body trembled in response to that intense whisper. I leaned over him, elbows to either side of his slender body as his arms came up to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me down. His lips were warm, his tongue hot as it pushed at my lips, and I let him slip inside.

And then he pulled away with a grunt of surprise, face scrunched up in disgust. "Ugh! What..."

I shouldn't have laughed, but I couldn't help myself. "Really, Asahina, what did you expect?"

He glared up at me, more petulant than angry. "But! You seemed to be enjoying it, and so I thought... well... maybe it's good or, or something..."

"Of course it's not, didn't you see me wiping my mouth? The good part is enjoying your partner's reaction. But I didn't realize you were about to come, so--"

"N- no," he mumbled, turning his face away. "D- don't say that..."

I couldn't stand how cute he was. I was tempted to just finish like that, lying on top of him to rub myself all over his slim, blushing body. Then I could watch his face, just inches from mine, every little reaction playing out across his features like an erotic movie. It would probably be enough to arouse him again as well, so young and so hungry for pleasure.

No. I couldn't just do what I wanted.

Asahina had to be the one to decide. I just wished he would hurry up and choose something, even if he wanted to stop. Then, at least, I'd be able to take care of myself - though I imagined that he might be interested in watching, or maybe even helping. He'd been plenty interested in watching me just moments before... would Asahina do the same to me, if given the opportunity? Probably not, considering his reaction just now. I rubbed my thumb over his lower lip, imagining it anyway.

 _Calm down,_ I warned myself. _Keep it light, don't scare him._

"Anyway, I thought everyone tried their own at least once, just out of curiosity."

His blush was so intense that I could feel the heat on my own face. "N- not everyone..." he mumbled.

I combed my fingers through his hair. "You're so sweet, Asahina. So painfully honest."

"I am _not_ ," he pouted. I wanted to kiss that sullen expression from his mouth, but I knew he wouldn't let me while his essence still lingered on my lips. I settled for kissing his cheek, almost at his ear, and murmured the question I'd been waiting to ask:

"What do you want to do now, Asahina?"

"H- huh?" I couldn't see his face with my lips pressed to his ear, but I could imagine his expression of surprise. "Um, I..."

"We can stop here, if that's what you want."

"No!" He pushed on my shoulders, and I lifted myself up. Asahina carefully avoided eye contact, but it was impossible for him to hide the dampness that had gathered at the corners of his eyes. "I- I want to be close to you," he mumbled. "I thought that's what you wanted too. I don't want to stop with... just this."

His eyes closed as I leaned in to press my lips to his forehead. _Close._ Of course he was too flustered to say it clearly; I remembered my own hesitation that first time all too well. It hadn't mattered how much I wanted it then - it was still new and unknown, something that I'd built up in my own mind with grand expectations, but also worry. Asahina was surely the same.

"I want you, Asahina," I began, and I heard him draw in a breath in response, an almost inaudible gasp. "I just need to be sure. You understand, right?"

"D- don't make me say it," he muttered. "Just... just do it. Please." His tone grew tight with desperation. "I want to do it."

"Me too," I breathed, giving him one last kiss. Instead of sitting back immediately, I stretched out my arm toward the nightstand to pull open the top drawer. Asahina made a little sound, turning his head to watch as I fumbled around for a moment, searching for the hand towel and bottle of lube I kept handy. That done, I sat up, settling myself between his knees again, and patted the outside of his thigh with one hand, unfolding the towel with the other. "Lift up a bit."

Asahina blinked up at me, confused, but he picked his hips up as requested. "A towel?"

I spread it out beneath him and tapped his hip, indicating that he could relax. "To help contain a bit of the mess." I could tell from his expression that he didn't quite understand, but he didn't seem worried, just curious.

His eyes watched intently as I coated my fingers with the lubricant, never looking away even though his face was burning. He'd become shy again, pulling his thighs together as closely as possible with me sitting between his legs, knees tilting down toward the bed and almost pressing into my sides. Despite coming only a few minutes before, he was already - or maybe _still_ \- half-hard, organ glistening wetly in the low light. Hopefully that would make things easier.

I nudged his knees with my elbows, hoping he would understand. Asahina turned his head a little, looking away, and opened his legs the tiniest bit. I didn't want to tell him what to do, anxious that he would find it too humiliating, but it couldn't be helped. "Asahina... I need you to open your legs wider, and hold your knees up toward your chest, or I can't..." I'd spare him at least that much.

"O- oh... okay." His voice was barely more than a whisper, almost drowned out by the rustle of the blanket as he complied, eyes tightly shut the entire time. He'd been so confident and curious before, watching so intently that he made me blush, but now that he was fully exposed, it seemed that all he could do was wait nervously.

"Don't be afraid, Asahina, I'll be gentle with you," I reassured him. He just nodded, lips pressed together. He started when I touched him, drawing in a breath with his nose.

"Sorry, my hands are a little cold. They'll warm up soon." Maybe I was talking too much, embarrassing him further, but since he refused to watch, I wanted him to know I was paying attention to his reactions. I started by rubbing my wet fingertips around the outside of his entrance, pressing firmly but not too hard, giving him time to get used to the sensation. Asahina made no sound of protest, and with that faint encouragement, I brushed over his anus with a light touch, not seeking entrance, just testing his reaction. Asahina twitched and made a quiet noise, tensing.

"Relax, Asahina, and keep breathing." I touched the inside of his thigh with my free hand, pushing gently to remind him not to draw his legs together. When his legs relaxed enough, I let my hand wander up to the crease of where his thigh joined his body to toy with the coarse hairs there, combing through them with my fingertips. I withdrew my other hand for a moment to add more lube, and Asahina let out a quiet sigh that ended in a squeak of surprise as I touched him again.

"Just breathe, and relax," I repeated, pressing harder than I had before. As expected, Asahina was tight, though not as much as I'd anticipated - it had been a wise decision to deal with his arousal first, forcing him to relax a bit. With my fingers so wet, it only took a little pressure before I was able to slip one fingertip into his body, though he involuntarily tensed at the foreign sensation.

"Try not to squeeze," I murmured, hoping that he found my reassurances soothing rather than embarrassing, but it was hard to tell with his face scrunched up in concentration. I wanted to smooth my fingers over his drawn brow, to pet his soft cheek and tickle his pursed lips, but I had to settle for lightly stroking his belly. He let out a quiet sigh at that, a faint smile appearing as the fine hairs on his skin stood on end. His muscles relaxed around my finger, and I took the opportunity to press in deeper, wiggling back and forth. Still, it was difficult to concentrate on two motions at once, and by the time I'd stretched him enough to feel that adding a second finger would be safe, I'd completely abandoned the gentle petting.

Asahina drew in a deep breath as I pushed my fingers deeper into the heat of his body, face turned so far to one side that it was difficult for me to gauge his reactions. "Asahina, does it hurt? You're getting tense again."

He cracked one eye open and looked toward me, not meeting my gaze. "It... it doesn't hurt, but... it feels really..." He ran his tongue over his lower lip. "I- it's weird." His eye closed, and his already low voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. "I... I don't really like it..."

Maybe I was being overly cautious, treating him as if he'd break if I didn't move at a snail's pace. "It's only awkward at first. Let me try something a little more interesting. Tell me if it's too much." I curled my fingers toward the front of his body, rubbing my fingertips over the soft inner wall in search of his prostate. It was in a bit deeper than I expected, and Asahina rewarded me with a sharp gasp and a jerk of his hips when I found it.

"Ahh! What is that?!" he squeaked, eyelids flying open.

"Careful, Asahina, keep your legs up." I pushed at the back of his thigh with my free hand while my fingers curled inside him again, rubbing gently. He closed his eyes again with a shiver, but this time his brow was creased with pleasure, a warm blush high on his cheeks. "This," I pressed just a tiny bit harder, "is your prostate. It's not too intense, is it?"

At first, all he could manage was a murmur, which eventually became words. "Mmm... n- no, it's... ah, that's so much better... b- but..."

I paused. "But?"

"N- no, don't stop..." His lips pressed together for a moment, then he shook his head slightly, and after he spoke I realized it was a signal to himself, a motion meant to show that he was throwing away inhibition, rather than a _no_. "Um, do it harder."

"With pleasure," I agreed, pressing upward to rub that small spot with a firm touch. Asahina squirmed on the mattress, moving so much that I had to grasp his hip with my other hand to keep my fingers from slipping out. He forced himself to calm down a bit after that, legs trembling as he breathed heavily, trying not to cry out, though he couldn't completely suppress every sound that fought to escape his lips. It wasn't long before he was fully hard again, erection bobbing as he wiggled, following the movement of my fingers to maximize his own pleasure.

It was too much to bear, with his sweet voice in my ears, the sight of his flushed body moving in response to my touch, and his internal heat wrapped around my fingers. I'd been waiting for an eternity to be inside Asahina, to become one with him as he had innocently wished. If I waited any longer, it might end up being too late.

I pulled my fingers from his body and wiped them off on the towel as Asahina lifted his head from the pillow, an almost comical expression of disappointment on his face. "Hey, why..."

The rest of his protest caught in his throat as I rose to my knees and reached for the bottle of lubricant, squeezing a generous blob into my palm. The slick liquid was almost painfully cold as I smoothed it over my length, and I gritted my teeth, not only because of the chill, but to distract myself from the fact that I'd been waiting untouched for so long. Asahina's eyes followed every movement I made, his breath catching in his throat as he realized that it was time. All the foreplay - all the kissing, petting, stroking, and licking - had led up to one moment.

Asahina was quiet, knees hugged to his chest as I rubbed more lube around his pucker, pushing my fingertips in a little to smear it inside as well. I leaned forward to cover Asahina's body with my own, brows drawing together as the tip of my organ slid along his cleft to brush against his entrance. Asahina let out a heavy breath, eyes wide as he stared up at me like he couldn't quite believe that it was really happening.

He touched my cheek with one hand, damp fingers clammy against my flushed skin. I turned my head to kiss his palm. "Asahina..."

I didn't have to ask. His fingers reached higher, smoothing through my hair, and his beautiful face was lit by that gentle smile I loved. Asahina was confident again, sure of himself, and he nodded, eyes shining. "Professor Sakaki... please. I want you." His breath was deep and even, lips barely parted as he looked up at me.

 _I entrust myself to you._ He didn't have to say it; his gentle expression spoke for him.

That was all the encouragement and permission I needed. I pushed forward, and Asahina's eyes fell shut, squeezing so tight that his eyelashes almost touched his cheeks. His body resisted at first, and he let out a shaking sigh, fingers gripping my shoulders as he breathed. After a few moments of pressure, his body opened to me and I slipped inside, gritting my teeth as I resisted the urge to thrust forward wildly without consideration for his comfort. It took all my self control to advance slowly and carefully, especially with the breathy whine that came from Asahina as I pushed deeper. His internal muscles flexed around me in unconscious resistance, but that sudden tensing only made me want him more.

There was no way I could go slow enough that Asahina wouldn't feel any discomfort; I just hoped he could forgive me later. Maybe it was better to move a bit quicker than I'd planned, rather than dragging out the awkward part. His hands were on my shoulders, pulling, his face tilted up as if expecting a kiss though he was almost panting.

It would be easier to kiss him if I was closer. _Deeper._

I closed my eyes and thrust my hips forward, burying myself in the heat of his body. Asahina squeaked beneath me, fingers digging into my skin as his legs tightened around my back. Almost. With one last push, I was fully inside, my hips pressed against the taut muscle of his butt. I forced myself to pause there, to give Asahina a chance to catch his breath, which was wild in my ear.

"Relax," I murmured, feeling like a hypocrite with the way my heart was pounding frantically and how my hand shook when I smoothed it over his hair.

He barely nodded, swallowing hard. His eyes opened, first one and then the other, and he looked up at me with an expression that made it seem that he was about to cry.

My heart sank. "Asahina, are you okay?" Even my voice was strained, my body trembling with the effort of holding back. The baser part of me wanted to disregard his needs and satisfy my own, silently urging me to grip his young body tightly and use him as I wanted. I couldn't allow it, but those lovely eyes, rimmed with tears, seemed like they were almost begging me.

 _Stop it,_ I warned myself, even as I felt myself ache in response to another unconscious squeeze from Asahina's body.

"I'm... fine," Asahina breathed, oblivious to my inner struggle. "I just feel really... um... it's different from before. It's really, uh..." He pursed his lips, not wanting to say it, cheeks darkening. "Um. Big." He started with a cry in response to my involuntary twitch at his innocent flattery. I certainly wasn't going to argue with _that_ belief. "O- oh... it moved..."

_Moved._

"Asahina, let me move." I tried not to stare down at him, imploring, but I knew that my desperation must have been obvious on my face. I'd waited too long, too confident in my willpower, caught up in the fantasy that I had to be in control at all times, subconsciously denying how much I wanted him. Asahina had practically thrown himself at me, physically and mentally, wearing down my defenses until I could no longer resist.

His hand touched my face, the very tips of his middle and index fingers brushing over my lips. I sucked his fingers into my mouth, and he shivered as I licked the sweat from his skin. "Professor..."

I reluctantly freed his fingers, only because I wanted to speak. "Asahina, _please_."

The tip of his tongue peeked out to lick his lips, and he nodded. "Please... don't ask, it's too embarrassing... Just do it." He grabbed my shoulders again, face set with determination. "I want to feel you, so do it."

 _Do it._ Asahina's words echoed the impulse in my own mind, and spurred on by that, I moved, starting with small motions. I wanted him, badly enough that I was tempted to just attack him wildly, but some small part of me remembered that it would be best to be careful, and to take it slow, prolonging the pleasure of coupling. But with Asahina's unguarded, genuine reactions and the heat of his tight passage, I wasn't sure how long it would last.

Asahina shivered against me, clinging desperately with his arms and legs as he panted. Though his breath was close, it was almost drowned by the wet sounds that came from between us, the squish and slide of lube the perfect accompaniment for his quiet gasps. It seemed that his discomfort had given way to the beginnings of pleasure. I opened my eyes - when had I closed them? - to confirm it, and though Asahina looked pained, it was a different expression than that of real pain, like he was at the edge of pleasure and struggling to reach it.

As if he sensed that I was looking down at him, Asahina opened his eyes as well, and when our eyes met it was like a physical shock. At first I thought he was the one who let out the surprised groan, voice deeper than I expected, but after a moment I realized it had been me. That made Asahina smile, and I bent closer to nuzzle the side of his neck, though my real purpose was to hide my face from him.

_How do you manage to make me feel so self-conscious every time?_

Somehow, it was better to moan quietly in Asahina's ear than to try and stifle it with him looking directly at my face. I'd promised to let him hear my honest appreciation for his gift, but I couldn't completely let myself go. He'd know I'd lost control, and that...

Why was that so bad, anyway?

When had I become hesitant, worried that my genuine reactions and my sincere desire for him would frighten him? Wasn't that what he wanted, the proof of my passion? He wouldn't be hurt. Asahina wasn't made of glass, not his body, and especially not his spirit; he'd shown me his strength over and over. That was why I--

Why I felt so strongly about him.

Just that thought sent a fresh shiver of lust down my spine.

"Asahina," I breathed into his ear, "I can't wait any longer. I want you."

"Mmm," he acknowledged, "me too, so please... don't hold back. You've been holding back, haven't you? I want to feel--"

His words were cut off as I shifted on the bed, changing position so I could penetrate him more deeply with each thrust. His slim legs were trembling with the strain of being pulled up into such an unnatural position for so long, and I repositioned my arms to offer more support. And then I let my body move the way it wanted to, almost giving in to instinct, holding back just enough so that I could be sure I wasn't hurting Asahina. His gasp was loud in the dim room, an almost strangled cry of surprise as I pulled out nearly all the way, then thrust back in without hesitation, once, twice, more times. Each motion was accompanied by a satisfying wet squish, and most were complimented by Asahina's frantic voice, little high-pitched moans that were little more than sharp breaths.

At first, I struggled to hold back my own lustful groans, subconsciously worried that Asahina would find them ridiculous or even disturbing, but I quickly realized that his body was reacting to those sounds, muscles twitching in response. Or maybe it was just my imagination, but that silent acceptance was enough to dispel my odd sense of shame.

"Asahina," I nearly growled his name as I plunged into him over and over, drawn in by the obscene sounds that filled the room - the squeak of the bedframe, the squelch of lubricant, the slap of flesh against flesh - and the almost sucking slickness of Asahina's body as he accepted me. He was hot inside, almost uncomfortably so, but the gripping pressure had eased just enough that I was certain that he found my forceful motions pleasurable. And with him squeezing and trembling all around me, his normally cute features twisted into an unbearably sexy expression, cheeks red, eyelids fluttering as he panted, I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Asahina," I repeated, bending close to kiss him, the position made difficult to maintain by the bounce of the mattress and the movements of his lips as he struggled to control his breath. He tried desperately, tongue flicking out to caress mine, sliding together wetly in a pale imitation of the way I slid inside him. It was impossible to sustain the kiss for long, and my lips were smeared with his saliva as we broke apart.

"P- professor," he looked up at me, eyes squeezing shut at a particularly deep thrust, "I, I... it's too much, I..." His hands clutched desperately at my shoulders, damp palms slipping as I moved, and he dug in with his nails to steady his grip. My brain interpreted that stinging jolt of pain as pleasure, body responding with a shudder.

 _Too much in what way?_ I wanted to ask, but my tongue wouldn't cooperate with my thoughts. Too intense, or was he vaguely warning me that he was about to come? Either would be fine; I was already at my limit, unable to hold back any longer. I had no idea how I'd managed to last so long, though all the extended foreplay and Asahina's cute, embarrassed commentary, and then with all the heat and pressure and noise scrambling my senses further. I felt intensely present and strangely distant at the same time, physically connected to Asahina but almost as if observing myself from the outside, this stranger who wore my body and was lost in a deep emotional connection with the quivering boy on the bed.

Asahina jerked on my shoulders, thrusting his own hips back at me with a cry. "Ah, please," he begged, each word punctuated by a sharp breath, "don't... stop."

Had I stopped? I hadn't meant to. The press of Asahina's butt against my hips jarred me out of my thoughts, and I was completely present, very aware of the beautiful boy who stared up at me with teary eyes, not tears of hurt, but want. Or need.

I wanted him. Needed him.

And so I drove into him again, hard and merciless, for only a handful of thrusts before I reached the very top of that hot wave of pleasure. I had no idea what sound I made then, frozen for a moment, buried inside Asahina as my release flooded forth, marking him as mine. He became still beneath me, eyes wide as he realized what had happened, though his passage trembled excitedly around me as if in response to the twitching and pulsing of my organ. After a short time - seconds? a full minute? - I moved again, with gentler thrusts to savor the afterglow and the gratifying extra slickness and wet noises that emerged with each motion.

"Ah, more...?" Asahina's face was completely red, eyes shining. "I- I don't think I can..."

It was then that I finally noticed that he was still aroused, the heat of his erection still trapped between us and pressing against my stomach. He hadn't been able to come, his body not used to the heat or pressure of penetration. Asahina had hung on as long as he could, enjoying the novel feeling and hoping that he could reach his own climax before his senses were overwhelmed. He'd probably feel it in the morning.

I pulled carefully out of Asahina's body, and he let out a shaking sigh of relief as I lowered his hips to the bed, making sure he ended up in the center of the small towel. A thin line of lube laced with semen leaked from his pucker, glistening in the lamplight. He noticed me staring intently at his backside and shifted uncomfortably, then stretched out his cramped legs, one on either side of me, hiding his most private area from my view.

That motion only made it more obvious that he was still hard and unsatisfied, erection jutting up from his flushed body. I reached for him without thinking and caught myself as he drew in a sharp breath. Was he shy again, ashamed by what we'd just done?

No. He was watching me again, pushed up on one elbow, expression eager. "Professor...?"

"Asahina, will you let me?"

"Please," he sighed, falling back against the pillow. "I thought we could... together... but..."

"Don't worry about that," I moved from between his legs to lie beside him on the bed, relieved to stretch out from my own bent, cramped position behind Asahina's body. And like that, it would be easier to watch the lewd expressions play out over his face as I touched him. I grasped him with one hand; he hissed, eyes tightly shut.

"It's not always easy, even for couples that have been together a long time. But this," I rubbed my hand along his length, "should be easy. You're used to this, aren't you?"

"I... I don't know what you mean..." Asahina's hips tilted forward in a tiny thrust, but he didn't turn his face away from me.

"You've touched yourself, haven't you? Like this?" I stroked him more firmly, and he twitched in my hand, sending the clear droplet at the head shivering down the shaft.

"U- um..." He was biting his lip, face red. It seemed like he wanted to hold back, but his hips were already moving in time with the motions of my hand, shaft hot and throbbing against my fingers and palm. More little drops were leaking out, making it easier to slide along his heat.

"Maybe you've imagined someone else's hands on you."

"N- no!" He denied it, voice trembling, but he thrust more desperately into my hand.

I shifted closer until my lips were at his ear. "Did you imagine me, Asahina?"

"Ah-!" He bit down hard on his lip to stifle his cry, body tensing as his organ twitched and pulsed in my hand. After a moment, he fell back onto the bed with a shudder, breath ragged and eyes squeezed shut so tightly that a little line formed between his brows. I let him go, bringing up my hand to brush his messy hair back from his forehead.

"You're beautiful, Asahina," I whispered into his ear, and hugged him close.

~~~

**a few minutes later**

The room was too warm, the blanket was a rumpled mess, and my arm had gone numb under Asahina's sweaty body. I wouldn't have traded any of it for anything, not with the way his sea-colored eyes were fixed upon me, his expression holding something like wonder. Every little motion was languid and alluring, from the slow half-blink of his fluttering lashes to the slight opening and closing of reddened lips as he breathed deeply to calm himself.

I stretched out my free hand to sweep sweat-dampened hair from his hot cheek. The strands clung to my fingers, echoing the way Asahina's hands had clung to my shoulders only minutes before.

 _The way his body clung to you._ The thought was enough to make me shiver.

"Are you all right?" My throat could manage no more than a dry whisper. "Not sore anywhere?"

A lazy, satisfied smile curved his lips, and his eyes fell shut as he took a silent, private inventory of how his body felt. He shifted his legs a little, too tired to do much more than stretch a few millimeters. "I'm fine... feels a little weird, but... nothing hurts." His eyes opened again. "It shouldn't... right?"

"Not if you're doing it right. Well, maybe a bit uncomfortable if you're not used to it, but if it hurts then your partner is an idiot." I traced the curve of his shoulder with my hand, enjoying the warm smoothness of his bare skin against my fingers. "I hope everything was to your expectations."

"Hmm, well..." His cheeks grew darker. "I- it was messier than I expected. I'm kind of, uh, s- sticky... around _there_." He squirmed a bit as if to confirm it. "A- and it was kind of noisy... um... squishy, I guess?"

Squishy. What a very Asahina-like way to describe the distinct sounds of sex. "That's not what I remember. Most of the noise was you making all sorts of cute sounds."

His face was on fire. "I- I did _not_ make cute sounds!"

I edged closer, drawing him into my arms, bare skin against skin as I kissed his soft lips. "You made _adorable_ sounds, then." I kissed him again, eliciting a quiet sigh. Asahina's arm snaked around my back, his short nails pressing into my skin as he pulled himself closer to lay fully against me, sticky dampness and all.

He sighed. "So this is an adult romance, huh..." Was that a wistful tone? Regret, maybe?

"It's a bit beyond romance at this point," I murmured into his hair.

"Mmm," he agreed, a little sound of assent that was almost inaudible.

It took me forever to gather my courage, though it was only a few seconds, only a handful of heartbeats that moved the slight body that was pressed against mine. "I hope you're not disappointed."

He pushed away at those words, suddenly frowning, and for a moment, my heart froze.

"W- why would I be disappointed? It felt... it felt really good, and... of course I knew you've d- done this with other people..." He pulled his lip into his mouth, eyebrows drawing together. "Probably a lot, b- because that was amazing, and, um..." His eyes were turned away, unfocused as he stared down at the pillow beneath his own head. "It's not like I'm disappointed or jealous or anything," he mumbled, voice trembling. "It's only natural that you would have l- loved someone else."

"Asahina," I began, knowing I would have to be very careful in responding to his tender emotions. "You know I'm much older than you. I can't pretend that I haven't had other lovers. And I won't lie and say that there was always love involved."

"I see." Asahina closed his eyes, lips pressed tightly together in an expression of disapproval that stung more than I had expected. The corners of his eyes were moist, and he reached up with one hand to brush at the gathering tears.

 _I can't stand to see your tears, especially knowing that I've caused them._ I caught his hand in mine, a little surprised that he made no attempt to resist my touch. "I know it's disappointing for you, but because you're always so honest, I want to be honest with you. I need you to understand that this is different. _You_ are different. I never would have laid one finger on you if this was just a passing fancy or a mere diversion."

How was I still able to talk with my heart pounding in my throat? How could I put it into words, all those emotions and thoughts that had been buzzing around at the back of my mind, the sort of feelings I would normally force back down into my unconscious because _someone like you doesn't deserve anything good_?

"I don't know what I'm going to do from now on, because everything's changed in the last few days. Not the mess at the school or my family's meddling." I leaned closer, letting my lips brush his ear, that simple contact almost electric. "It's you. I'm lost. Ever since that foolish kiss on the roof. I could have resisted if not for that."

"P- professor...?" His cheek was hot against mine.

 _I want to be the good person you think I am. So I'm going to give you the truth._ Asahina deserved the truth, no matter how hard it was for me to admit it. It was so dangerous that I hadn't dared to let myself _think_ it in the privacy of my own mind. But he'd given me everything. Why was I trying to hold back something as simple as words, especially when I knew how much he'd treasure them?

"I'm sorry, Asahina, but..."

I was tempted to stop there, but the look he gave me, shock and fear all rolled into one - I couldn't pause and let him misinterpret my intentions.

I forced myself to look him in the eye. "I love you."

All the tension drained from his face, replaced by a soft smile that quickly widened into a somewhat silly grin. He curled in on himself slightly with a sound that was half sigh and half giggle, eyes closing as he pressed his hands to his mouth, and after a moment he sighed deeply, a sound of pure and honest contentment. I leaned closer, drawn in by that gentle sound, and he opened his eyes, which seemed to shine with happiness. Our eyes met, and as I leaned in to capture his mouth with mine, a warm hand came up to stop me, pressing on my chest.

"Wait... why... why are you sorry? I'm happy." Another small laugh escaped his lips, as impossible for him to hold back as the gasps he'd offered a few minutes earlier. "The person I love loves me back, I can't believe it..."

 _How can you say that so easily?_ I wanted to challenge him, to demand proof of how he could know something so important, so _adult_ , even though he was just a boy. That urge was swallowed up by my own memory. I'd been younger than Asahina when I'd first experienced love, an emotion so intense that I could still feel the echo of it if I let myself get caught up in brooding over the past.

It had ended in disaster. How could I protect Asahina from harm? Maybe it was too late. Maybe I'd already wounded him, and he just hadn't realized it yet.

Maybe I'd forced him into the same position I'd been in so many years ago.

I couldn't meet his eyes. "Because this is going to be hard for you. It has to be a secret, I'm sure you understand that. But you should be able to fully enjoy your first love, openly, without fear."

_Because I don't want it to end like that._

"I will! I know that it has to be a secret... I know that, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy. It'll be okay later, when I'm older, right? When I'm more of an adult, and no one can say it's wrong or whatever, so I just have to wait."

Of course Asahina would assume that we'd be together forever. It wasn't in his nature to see the potential negative futures - he _could_ , but it didn't come naturally to him, and while he was caught up in the glow of a new relationship, the possible end wouldn't enter his mind. He claimed to love me, but he hardly knew anything about me. He couldn't imagine any of the problems that could arise, aside from the obvious need to make sure that no one found out. Asahina didn't understand the complexities of adult relationships, and couldn't imagine the troubles caused by the emotional baggage that other, less lucky people carried in their hearts.

He took my silence for approval, and his eyes drifted away from mine, and he looked up at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Of course I want everyone to know that I'm happy... and I know I'm not the best at hiding how I feel... but I'm going to do it. It's enough to be happy." He nodded, sure of himself. "Yeah, it's enough."

 _Asahina._ I blinked, and ugly thoughts of the past were replaced with reality, a beautiful young man with a wistful expression that made my heart ache.

_I don't ever want you to feel the pain I did._

His hand brushed my cheek. "You're not saying anything, you're just thinking. Before you said I should enjoy my first love, right? But it was like a warning." His brows drew together. "Something bad happened to you. That's why... that's why you said you're sorry, isn't it?"

Or maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

"It is." I sank back into the pillows as if trying to hide from the memory. I could have sworn my ears were ringing.

Asahina wouldn't let me escape so easily. He rolled over, almost on top of me. "I _won't_ let anything bad happen. My luck is on your side now. I'm going to protect you!"

 _What can you do?_ was what logic wanted me to say. My emotions - and the fact that the sweet, willing object of my lust was pressed against me, sticky thighs half-wrapped around my leg - swallowed my words. Asahina lowered his mouth to mine, drowning any protest that I might raise, tasting me with a surprisingly clever tongue. He'd learned so fast. Maybe it was instinct, the way he was rubbing against me, his free hand ghosting over my chest with a feathery touch that made my heart leap.

I decided to forget my worries, at least for a short while.

~~~

**a memory**

Asahina was asleep. He'd _been_ asleep for - a quick glance at the clock - over an hour. I wasn't any less exhausted, but no matter how long I waited or how blank I tried to make my mind, sleep wouldn't come. Scraps of memory hovered at the edges of my consciousness, threatening to come to the forefront every time my awareness slipped. I'd have to give in eventually. Maybe it was best to just give in and let those dark thoughts push to the forefront of my mind.

I closed my eyes at the memory of two awkward middle school boys curled up on a too-small bed, cuddled close and holding hands while whispering nonsense, pecking each other's cheeks with chaste kisses. What had become of the slightly taller boy, the one who had been chased away with threats and curses while the other one - while I - made a futile attempt to protect him?

He'd fallen down the stairs in our house - at least, that was the story, but I'd been certain my father had pushed him. Maybe. It had been hard to tell from where I'd collapsed on the carpet, my ears ringing and head throbbing after he'd slapped me with all his strength.

_How dare you!_

I'd been too terrified to answer with the truth.

_Because I love him!_

I'd kept silent, and my father had focused on Ren instead. The sound of him tumbling down the stairs seemed to go on forever, my sense of time warped by the pain in my head. I remembered my mother screaming, her words incoherent as I lay there, but she must have said the right thing because my father gave up the chase. He came back to lift my trembling form from the floor, seeming almost guilty as I shrank back when he tried to smooth my hair.

_I'm sorry, I just reacted. Of course it was his fault. I won't let that filthy boy near you again._

It hadn't been a coincidence that a shy boy who never got into trouble was suddenly transferred to another school. _For getting into fights,_ the other members of the music club had whispered, hardly believing it, unable to ignore the evidence of ugly purple bruises and scabbed-over scrapes. _Sojiro's going to be so lonely in club now, Aimi and Takuma aren't interested in music at all._

Not that it had mattered. I'd quit the music club as soon as I was allowed to return to school. Of course, I couldn't be seen in public with a bruise in the shape of a handprint on my face. It would have looked bad.

"Ugh, enough," I muttered, rubbing the back of one hand against my forehead in an attempt to banish the memory. Of course, it wasn't going to be that easy; my mind wanted to continue, to play out the remainder of the drama that had marked my second year of middle school. I stole a quick glance at Asahina, who was still soundly asleep, and gingerly pushed back the blanket, taking care not to disturb his half. Or two-thirds, really. I hadn't expected him to be a blanket hog, but he'd stolen nearly the entire thing, which made the task of escaping the bed much easier.

I pulled on my pants and made my way across the bedroom, bare feet almost silent against the flooring, and unlocked the sliding glass door. I paused to grab the pack of cigarettes and lighter from the small table beside the door, then stepped out onto the tiny concrete balcony. The night air was surprisingly cool for the season, and the light breeze cooled my sweat dampened skin.

It was never really dark outside, not with the streetlights illuminating the wide sidewalk and road below, but it was enough to create the illusion of privacy. Plus it was late enough that none of the neighbors would be out, especially that annoying older woman who lived in the apartment on the right side and always tried to make small talk. The last time I'd seen her, she'd been hassling me about smoking, no doubt prompted by recent public restrictions.

"My apartment, my rules," I grumbled, taking one from the pack and lighting up. To be honest, I'd been thinking of quitting, but with all the stress of the recent power struggle at the school, and now the pressure from my brother's stupid rumors, I was pretty sure that was not going to be the year. If anything, I was on track to receive a formal warning for smoking in the staff room now that I'd been kicked out of the assistant director's office, where no one had been allowed to whine about what I did.

"Geez," I sighed, running my free hand back through pillow-mussed hair. If that was the worst of my worries, then maybe things weren't so bad.

But of course it wasn't. This relationship with Asahina... I was damned, and I'd probably end up dragging him down with me. It didn't matter that he'd fully consented, or how we felt - is it still so hard to admit to love even in your own mind? - because the only facts anyone else would see were these: he's too young, I'm too old, and I'm his teacher. Oh, and I'm a man. Yes, it looked bad. If any of my colleagues had been revealed to be in a secret relationship with a student, especially a first-year, I'd have been just as disgusted.

 _If any of those other brats finds out, we're both screwed. Especially Jokawa... or Sonoda._ I couldn't even begin to imagine how my cousin would use that information against me.

And if, god forbid, Asahina's parents found out, who knew what the consequences would be? I imagined that his family was close-knit and loving. They had to be, in order to have raised such a good-natured, innocent boy. But seemingly good people were transformed into malicious opponents by circumstances less scandalous than what we were now involved in; for many, it was enough that a lover was of the same gender.

_I should know._

No, I wasn't going to think about that.

_Who cares what they think? You're an independent adult, they don't matter anymore._

Would Asahina's parents conclude that I was using my position to take advantage? It was a reasonable accusation. Would they throw Asahina out? Probably not, if they wanted to keep him from me, but who knew how they would end up treating him afterward?

_Stop it. No one knows what's going on. And you don't know his family._

That was easy to say, but when one mistake could lead to disaster, it was best to be prepared.

The sliding door squeaked, and I started, scattering ashes. Asahina was peering out, all wrapped up in the top sheet. "Professor Sakaki? Um... aren't you cold? And sleepy?"

"Yes," I sighed, "I'll be back inside in a minute. Just let me finish." Not that there was much to finish; most of the cigarette had burned down to ash while I stood there agonizing over events that hadn't even happened yet, and that might never happen at all.

I could tell that Asahina was considering coming out onto the balcony - it was surprising how well I could read him already, though I'd only known him for two months. If anyone saw him outside with me, both fairly indecent, that would be the beginning of the end.

"Never mind," I amended, grinding the pathetic stub out on the unfinished concrete lip of the balcony. I herded him back inside, into the relative safety of the bedroom, pausing to close and lock the sliding door. Asahina was already climbing back into bed, shyly hanging onto the sheet until he was completely covered by the blanket, with just the top of his head peeking out. I shook my head, amused. "Are you sure you can breathe under there?"

His reply was muffled. "Well... not really... but, um... I don't want to smell the smoke. Could you maybe brush your teeth before coming back? I bet it tastes bad too. So I can't... um, I- I can't kiss you right now..."

"You _still_ want to kiss?" I raised one eyebrow along with my tone, for no real reason since no one was watching.

"Um... maybe, if it's okay... not _just_ kiss..." The response was punctuated with a somewhat creepy giggle that sounded even worse for being half-muffled.

"Asahina, you really need to stop with that perverted laugh, it makes my brain hurt." I poked the slender form in the bed with my foot, eliciting a squeak. "That's better. Just hold on a minute, I'll go wash up. I swear, can't even smoke in my own home anymore, what am I going to do with you?"

"Professor!" He called out just as I reached the doorway, eyes peeking out over the edge of the blanket.

"Hm, what is it? The sooner you let me leave, the sooner I can come back."

"Don't worry so much." A pause. "I love you."

Every time he said it, I couldn't help smiling. "You're right. Worrying won't solve anything."

I stepped out into the hallway. _God help me, I love you too._

~ end ~


End file.
